


Amissus

by BG97



Series: Machiavellian [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Brief suicidal ideation, Crying, Dissociation, Hurt No Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Manipulation, Minor Violence, Rape, Sequel/Expansion of Previous Work, Sexual Predator Chan, Victim Blaming, alcohol consumption, i'm sorry felix, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 23:52:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18418499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BG97/pseuds/BG97
Summary: “Can I try something, Felix?” He chuckled a bit on instinct, Chris’ question catching him off guard. He’d relaxed into the sound of Chris’ rap group mixing with some Ariana Grande song from the other side of the door, almost forgetting the elder was there until his voice pulled Felix’s attention back.“Um, sure?” He watched Chris’ smile split his face again. It helped him relax for a few seconds, but then he realized that Chris was leaning in… like towards Felix’s face.Alternatively: Felix was feeling a little homesick, upperclassman Chris takes advantage.Please, please mind the warnings and tags.





	Amissus

**Author's Note:**

> This is an extension of my previous work "What You Really Are" that no one asked for, but the idea's been on my mind for a while.
> 
> Reading at least the beginning of that work will add context to this, but probably isn't necessary.
> 
> Please, please, please mind the warnings and tags. If anything seems like something you wouldn't like to read, do not proceed.
> 
> I absolutely, under no circumstances, condone the behavior depicted in this work and would never wish them upon real people. This is a work of fiction in which I've taken liberties with the characterization of both Chan and Felix.

Felix follows Chris as he threads through the mass of bodies, the elder’s warm hand heating the thin wrist enclosed within it, gently tugging him along. He’s already had quite a lot to drink, his footsteps a bit uneven and offbeat; he was struggling to keep up with the upperclassman’s pace, but Chris would pause every few steps to make sure Felix didn’t get left behind, shooting him amused smiles.

He spared a moment to be embarrassed when they paused in front of Chris’ door; Felix was pretty sure the elder had been drinking just as much as he had, but he didn’t look impacted at all. Meanwhile, the younger was letting himself lean just ever so slightly against Chris’ warm body as he punched in the code to his room, trying to rest his legs. The upperclassman let go of Felix’s wrist to wrap his arm around his shoulders, instead, guiding him into the dark space as the door opened.

Felix winced when Chris flicked on the harsh fluorescent overhead lights, the soft buzz echoing in his head as the elder let go of him gesturing for him to take a seat on one the two beds in the room. The mattress was soft, comfortable, and Felix had to fight the urge to just lay down, but that’d be weird. Chris was being really nice to him, but they’d just met. He probably wouldn’t like some freshman lightweight falling asleep on his bed and, plus, Felix still really wanted Chris to like him, to think he was cool. He might have drunk more than he should have, but he wasn’t much passed tipsy; he could still pull this off.

Chris had moved to the desk in the corner of the room, messing with his laptop and hooking his speakers up to let Felix listen to the music he’d been telling him about. He hadn’t known Chris liked rapping, but he was thrilled when the upperclassman offered to show him some of the songs he and his friends had produced and written. It felt special, like Felix was special, that the upperclassman had wanted him to listen to them.

Soft beats filled the air, competing with the aggressive EDM playing outside the door for Felix’s attention. Chris turned the volume up, tilting his head to the side with a frown, trying to find the right level. He hummed after a moment of fiddling with it, turning to Felix with an expectant smile, “this alright? Can you hear it okay?”

Felix returned his smile, making an affirmative noise as he focused in on the track. It sounded like R&B, based on the soft backing vocals in the instrumental, but the beat was actually pretty fast. He didn’t recognize the voice rapping at first but knew the second Chris’ part came up. Felix liked that, even when the lyrics were in Korean, Chris’ Australian accent was still recognizable. He hadn’t noticed that just listening to the other talk, but it differentiated his parts from the other rappers nicely and Felix thought it was charming. He was genuinely surprised by how much he liked the song, in general, nodding along as he listened; Chris was really, really good.

The older boy made his way across the small dorm room to join him on the bed, the mattress dipping to his left. He was watching Felix, a thoroughly pleased smile on his face as he leaned back against the head board, legs crossed. Felix was pretty sure his praises were a little lacking, sounding a bit clumsy; he didn’t know anything about producing music or rapping beyond following along with whatever he heard on the radio, but Chris thankfully didn’t seem to mind, making little noises and squirming happily at Felix’s compliments.

He didn’t know that Chris had this goofy side to his personality, but he liked it. The elder was funny and it made him seem less intimidating. He always looked so cool when Felix saw him around campus and it was a huge relief to know that the older boy was as friendly as his reputation made him out to be.

They talked for a while as Chris’ music played in the background. It was comfortable and casual, the conversation never getting deeper than them reminiscing about Sydney and how much they missed home. Seungmin was usually a trooper and would talk with Felix in English sometimes, but it was different with Chris. It was so natural, and he didn’t need to worry about the older man not understanding when he referenced something from home or used slang.

There was a lull in the conversation, Felix shifting to get more comfortable. He was still feeling sleepy and his back was a little sore from him sitting without any support behind him. Chris hadn’t stopped watching him since they’d settled on his bed and there was something about his attentive gaze that was simultaneously really satisfying and a little weird. He liked that this cool upperclassman seemed to think he was interesting, but he was also a little confused, not sure what he was doing to warrant the attention.

Chris leaned forward a bit, asking Felix about his classes. He was distracted as he formulated his answer so he was totally caught off guard by the feeling of Chris’ hand moving to rest on his thigh. His eyes shot back to the older man’s face, confused. He laughed a bit, seeming surprised by Felix’s reaction, “Is this okay?”

Felix was embarrassed, not liking the way that Chris’ laugh made something twist uncomfortably in his gut. He’d obviously overreacted, so he quickly nodded, not wanting to make things weird. It’s not that strange of a thing to do, he shouldn’t be so awkward. He really doesn’t want to blow things with Chris.

The older man seemed satisfied, his thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of Felix’s jeans. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but it was distracting and it didn’t help the younger’s lowkey drunk brain as he tried to answer Chris’ earlier question. It took him way too long to remember the name of his Tuesday-Thursday 9:40 class which made the elder laugh.

This was fine. Maybe it’s just that Chris’ love language is physical affection. Felix had taken a quiz on that once; he was a gift-giver, himself, but some platonic touch is nice, too. Hell, he and his roommates cuddle together all the time, even if it’s just so they can squeeze onto one of their twin-sized beds and huddle close enough to all see the laptop screen when they’re watching movies.

The conversation dies down again once they’d both listed their classes and added a few comments about classmates and professors. Felix rubbed at his face and brushed his fringe back; it was really cool getting to talk to the guy he’d had a bro-crush on ever since he realized their was another Aussie on campus, but he was seriously getting tired, the vodka and sprites he’d been throwing back earlier catching up to him.

“Can I try something, Felix?” He chuckled a bit on instinct, Chris’ question catching him off guard. He’d relaxed into the sound of Chris’ rap group mixing with some Ariana Grande song from the other side of the door, almost forgetting the elder was there until his voice pulled Felix’s attention back.

“Um, sure?” He watched Chris’ smile split his face again. It helped him relax for a few seconds, but then he realized that Chris was leaning in… like towards Felix’s face.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I think there’s been a misunderstanding!” His voice was pitched a bit too high and at least a little too loud, as he drew back from the older man. Chris’ eyes were wide, innocent, as they took in Felix’s shift in demeanor.

Felix isn’t gay. Like, Chris is really cool, and he’d wanted to be his friend for so long now, but he didn’t want to kiss him. But, shit, he doesn’t want to offend Chris either. What if he thinks Felix is a homophobe? What if he embarrassed or even angered the upperclassman with his response? The relaxed laugh Chris lets out does little to calm his anxieties.

“Ah, I didn’t mean to scare you!” Chris was still chuckling lightly, he rubbed his hand against Felix’s thigh; it wasn’t all that comforting. “I just want to try, okay?”

No, it wasn’t really okay, it’s weird. It’s obviously fine if Chris is gay, but Felix isn’t interested in that. Seriously, is it homophobic to not want Chris to kiss him? How does he say no without offending him? Isn’t this a pretty stupid reason to ruin his chances of being friends with Chris? It’s just a kiss.

So, Felix lightly presses his lips into a thin line as he nods slowly, not making eye contact with the other. He takes a deep breath and doesn’t move away when Chris leans in, again. It isn’t that big of a deal.

Felix had kissed a few girls before, he knew how to kiss someone, but he’d never been kissed by another man. Chris started slow, but even when he was just pressing their lips together, he did it with way more force than any of the girls he’d been with before, his hand firm at the back of Felix’s head, keeping him in place. He hadn’t ever been on the receiving end of a kiss before and he felt totally off-balance, trying to keep up with Chris’ pace.

He honestly didn’t know what Chris wanted him to do. He tried to mirror the movements of the other’s mouth, but every time he’d try to respond, Chris would already be moving again, deepening things even further and making things way sloppier than they needed to be. Felix was already distracted by the feeling of Chris’ saliva coating his lips, mind locked on how… icky it felt. He was totally unprepared for Chris to lick into his mouth, shuddering at how gross it was and trying to pull away, but the elder held him firm, groaning against him and forcing his tongue in even further. It all progressed so quickly, leaving Felix’s head spinning. There wasn’t much he could do at that point but sit there with his lips parted and wait for Chris to get bored with whatever this was.

He was uncomfortable and very certain that he’d rather be doing just about anything else. He tried to focus on the music, Chris’ music, still playing in the background, desperate for a distraction from what the elder was doing to him. The song playing now was a lot more aggressive than the one Chris had initially played for him, it didn’t comfort him at all, especially when the same mouth rapping on the track is currently very out of place against his own.

Chris’ hand suddenly tightened at the back of his head, tugging sharply on Felix’s bleached hair, separating their mouths with an obscene, wet noise as his head was yanked backwards. He gasped and whined, fingers clutching at Chris’s shirt, eyes trying to shift from their view of the ceiling to look at the older boy in front of him, but he could hardly see him with the angle Chris was holding his head at.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little ungrateful?” Felix felt himself panic at the shift in Chris’ tone. This wasn’t just uncomfortable any more, he felt unsafe and trapped and he just really wanted to go back to the party, find his friends and go home. It left his head spinning, how things had changed so quickly.

“I’m s-sorry,” It was the only thing Felix could think to say. He wasn’t, not really. He didn’t want Chris to be mad at him, but his opinion of the other was really confused right now. He didn’t know if he wanted to be friends with Chris if it meant he had to spend another minute in his room right now. Even his alcohol hazy brain couldn’t justify that; he just really, really needed to leave.

But Chris was still holding on to his hair with one hand and had the other gripping his hip harshly, pinning him in place.

The older man huffed at his apology, tensing the fingers in Felix’s hair and at his hip before slowly letting go, smoothing over the spots as the younger cautiously corrected his head. His eyes were widened, pleading, but the other’s face was cold, unaffected. He was scared, he didn’t know Chris well, obviously; he had no idea what the other was capable of.

“I don’t believe you” Felix’s mouth dropped open a bit, trying to process what that meant. He was breathing too quickly, heartbeat racing. He couldn’t handle this, handle Chris, he suddenly felt so vulnerable.

“But I think I’ll let you make it up to me,” His tone was still cold, lacking any hint of the teasing, joking approach he’d been taking earlier. Felix felt himself swallow thickly. He didn’t want to make anything up to Chris, but the other wasn’t going to let him go. His hands had relaxed, but they were still lingering in position, threatening Felix to try to move away. His head was spinning, the adrenaline in his system desperately trying to sober him up, but his thoughts still came so slowly, painfully. He didn’t know what to do.

“Thank you,” Again, the only thing he could imagine Chris might want to hear. His voice came out so small and pathetic, embarrassing compared to his usually deep tone, but it drew a thoughtful hum from the older man. He settled back a bit and seemed to wait, raising his eyebrows when Felix did nothing but stare at him blankly.

Oh.

Felix felt stupid, silly, leaning forward slowly, eyes searching Chris’ face for a sign of approval, guidance, which he didn’t find. He had no idea what he was doing; he just wanted Chris to be happy with him again so he could get out of there. He took a shaky breath before closing the distance between them, pressing a chaste kiss to the older man’s mouth, hesitating there for a moment, face twisting up a bit, before softly sliding his tongue across Chris’ bottom lip.

Chris huffed out an amused chuckle at his efforts, his alcohol-soured breath brushing across Felix’s face. Before the younger could properly react, Chris was kissing him, again, just as forcefully as before. The hand at his hip slid to his ass, making Felix whine in protest against Chris’ lips, his body jolting in discomfort and anxiety. The upperclassman used his grip to leverage Felix forward, maneuvering their bodies until he was leaning back against the headrest of the bed and the younger was solidly in his lap, straddling his hips. His lips never fully left Felix’s and his warm hand stayed firmly planted against the younger’s ass, even once they were situated.

As Chris bit at his lips and slid his tongue into Felix’s mouth, the younger’s mind couldn’t help but be more preoccupied with the positioning of his hands, the feeling of the elder’s rings digging through the fabric of his jeans. He was terrified of the thought of just how far Chris was willing to push him. His thighs strained with effort to keep his weight from resting on Chris’ hips, the muscles quickly beginning to tremble. The mixture of stress and alcohol in his system was exhausting him.

Felix was really trying, though, to kiss Chris back, this time. He was too scared of making the older boy mad again, so he did his best to ignore how gross it felt when their tongues touched each other, tried not to think about how much of Chris’ spit was in his mouth and on his face. It was hard, his body was so tense and he felt like he was suffocating on the older man’s breath, the other only giving him seconds each time he tried to suck oxygen into his lungs, not letting him properly move away to breathe. 

He made an effort to imagine Chris was a girl, that this was normal, familiar, but it was impossible. He’d never sat in a girl’s lap to make out with them, they’d never grabbed his ass while they were kissing him. The rough way Chris handled Felix’s lips was also very unlike any girl he’d ever been with, not to mention the barest hint of stubble on the elder’s face that was progressively irritating Felix’s skin more with every passing minute.

Maybe Felix could ignore all of that, but then Chris squeezed the hand on the younger’s hip, dragging him down until he was fully in his lap and suddenly Chris’ very hard erection was grinding up against Felix’s ass.

No. No, no, no, no, no, this is really too much.

He yanked his face away from the older man’s, becoming a bit disorientated when Chris didn’t try to stop him like he was expecting. But then he realized that Chris’ hands had both moved to grip at Felix’s waist, holding him firmly in place. His leg muscles tensed, arms pushing hard against the elder’s chest, but Chris was way too strong. He only managed to squirm a couple inches in each direction, promptly freezing when the man below him fucking moaned. 

Tears were pricking at Felix’s eyes. This isn’t okay, he doesn’t want this, is that not clear?

“Chris- Please, I’m sorry, but I really don’t like this,” Chris was just staring at him with hooded eyes, the corners of his lips turned down. The first tear trickled down Felix’s face and all of a sudden he was full on crying. His hands came up to try to rub them away, but he couldn’t stop now, sobs racking his body. He felt so pathetic and embarrassed, helpless.

The feeling of Chris’s thumbs rubbing circles into his tummy and the sound of the older man cooing at him just made him sob harder, but he tried to blink through the tears to look at him, miserably. Chris was gazing at him softly with a sad, sympathetic smile on his face.

“Poor thing, what did you think was going to happen?” Felix doesn’t like Chris anymore; he isn’t nice or cool, like he thought. He still won’t let Felix move away; he absolutely hates that he can feel exactly how hard the older man is, not deterred by his tears at all.

He doesn’t think he’s supposed to respond, doesn’t know what he’d say anyway. He keeps wiping at his face, even though it’s no use. He hates feeling so weak, but the whole situation is so overwhelming and confusing. He really just wants to go back to his dorm and make Hyunjin and Seungmin cuddle him to sleep, but he doesn’t know how to get out of this situation, doesn’t even really know what this situation is.

Felix didn’t think it was possible, but he starts crying even harder when he feels Chris shifting underneath him, realizing that he’s grinding his dick into his ass. How is Chris still hard? How could he have been so wrong about someone?

“You’re really fucking pretty, Lix, and you look so good like this,” God, Felix’s head hurts. What does Chris even mean by that? He can feel the snot and tears running down his twisted-up face, how fucked up is Chris that he thinks that’s a good look for him?

“It’s so cute, you’ve been practically gagging for my dick all night and all of a sudden you’re this shy little angel…” Felix ripped his hands away from his face, shocked.

“No, no, Chris, I’m not g-gay, I j-just wanted t-to talk,” He whined through his sobs, his face heating. So Chris was never really being nice to him, after all. He just thought he could get in Felix’s pants. Fuck, he’s such an idiot. He’s never trusting himself without his friends ever again. 

His mind flashed back to Hyunjin and Seungmin’s teasing earlier, did they actually think he wanted to sleep with Chris, too? He just wanted to make a friend that was from home and Chris had seemed especially cool, everyone loved him. What would they think if they saw what was happening now?

Chris’ eyebrows were raised, an amused smile on his face. Felix wanted to die.

“That’s cute, but you and I both know it’s a lie,” Chris’ voice was infuriatingly stable, sounding and looking so composed while Felix cried in front of him, still grinding his hips steadily against him, “no one likes a tease, Lix.”

Felix just buried his face in his hands again, shaking his head. Fuck this was so embarrassing and overwhelming. He’s not remotely into men; Chris knew he didn’t enjoy kissing him earlier, he can see him crying literally right now, how could he think Felix wanted any of this?

“You’re lucky you’re so pretty, I’ll be nice and give you what you really want,” Felix freaked out when Chris was suddenly lifting him and pinning him back against the mattress. He flailed, hands slapping at Chris’ biceps, legs trying desperately to wedge in front of the elder’s body to push him away.

“Fucking- STOP, Chris, what the fuck?!” His voice was weak from crying and broke halfway through his scream, tearing at his throat painfully. He needed to get away, needed to get Chris off of him.

It took a few seconds for the pain in his cheek to sink in, why his head had suddenly snapped to the side.

Chris had slapped him. 

His hand rose to rest tenderly against his stinging skin as the rest of his body froze. He pulled as much air into his lungs as he could to scream, but a warm palm clamped down over his mouth before he could let out any noise.

“Such an ungrateful little bitch,” Chris was too close to his face, his tone not overly harsh, but the words still dug at Felix as his anxiety rapidly increased. The space between the elder’s hand and his stuffy nose was too small, making it difficult for him to draw in the panicked breaths he desperately needed. His heart was pounding in his ears as his nails dug into Chris’ wrist and the tears streaked across his face, yet again.

Chris leaned down, resting his forehead against Felix’s, his deep breaths tickling the younger’s wet face. Felix squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm his frantic breathing, but finding it difficult with Chris’ heavy body pressing his into the mattress and with his access to oxygen limited.

“Are you going to be a good boy and cut the bullshit?” Felix blinked up at the other, pleadingly, but Chris was, unsurprisingly, unaffected. He was too close, Felix didn’t think he’d ever been this scared in his life.

He drew as deep a breath as he could through his nose, shakily nodding his head in affirmation against the other’s. Chris removed his hand, but before Felix could draw in a full breath, his mouth was in the way, kissing at his wet lips. Felix panicked for the nth time that night, squirming against the upperclassman desperately

It was a small mercy that Chris pulled away relatively quickly, laughing down at Felix unkindly as he gasped and coughed. 

As Felix tried to steady his breathing and calm down, Chris leaned back; he was digging through a drawer in his nightstand, coming back and tossing an object onto the bed next to Felix’s limp body.

It was a bottle of lube.

“Please, Chris, I’ve never done this before,” The elder tsked, shooting Felix an unimpressed look.

“Are you still playing the virgin card? I thought you just agreed to stop lying?” Felix’s face burned as he shook his head quickly.

“No, no, Chris, I’m not lying, please, I’m scared,” He was trying really hard to stay calm, realizing that the elder wasn’t going to respond well to any other reaction. It was really fucking hard.

Chris just hummed as he started undoing Felix’s jeans. He breathed through his nose, clenching his jaw and shifting his eyes to the ceiling. He tried to focus in on the heavy rap music in the background, anything to distract himself, but it would be impossible to ignore the feeling of his pants and underwear being shimmied off his hips.

Felix had had sex with a girl once, in high school; it was awkward, he’d never been naked in front of anyone in a sexual context before that moment. He remembers trying really hard to pretend that he wasn’t as embarrassed as he was, trying to not make it obvious that he really didn’t want her to look at his dick. This isn’t that different. Except that it is very different. At least he’d been the one to take his pants off that time; at least he’d been hard and excited about what was about to happen.

Now, he refused to think about how fucking humiliating it was to have Chris reveal his limp dick to the cool air of the dorm. The last person he wants to have look at his dick right now is Chris.

The older man tugged at the bottom of Felix’s hoodie, and the younger boy stayed limp, letting Chris drag it up over his head and off his arms. None of this felt real; his mind went totally blank. 

He’s naked in Christopher Bang’s bed, about to be fucked for the first time, and he can’t think of a single thing that could get him out of this situation.

Felix vaguely registered Chris’ hands smoothing up and down his sides, shivering unconsciously at the touch. His teeth clenched when those stupid hands came down to his knees, parting his thighs so Chris could settle between them. He kept a straight face when the elder shoved a pillow unceremoniously under his hips, toned out the soft appreciative noises the other was making.

It wasn’t until he heard the cap of the lube snapping open that he flinched, wincing. Reality crashed back around him. This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be.

“Wait- Chris, please,” He tried to sit up, looking at the elder for the first time since he’d been undressed. The panicked expression had made its way back onto his face, but Chris didn’t even look at him as he coated his fingers in the viscous substance, quirking an eyebrow.

“Please, Chris, I really can’t, not this,” The older man’s exasperated sigh sent an icy chill through him. He finally looked at Felix, his lips pinched into a small, forced smile, eyes as unkind as ever.

“You and I both know that you want this, Felix,” He huffed out a small laugh, turning his attention back to the younger’s lower half. His hand hooked underneath one of Felix’s knees to spread his legs wider, not seeming to find it difficult at all to overpower Felix’s straining muscles. “You’re being so rude when I’m just trying to finish what you started, make us both feel good.”

Felix flopped back down onto the mattress, hands coming up to cover his wet face, unable to watch, but tensing all the same when Chris’ slippery fingers brushed against his asshole. A mortified, high-pitched whine left his sore throat. It’s literally the dirtiest part of his body, why the hell would anyone want to go near there?

Chris wasn’t listening to him, no matter what he said, and he was way too strong and threatening for Felix to try to fight his way out. Even if he hadn’t been drinking, even if he wasn’t so shaky and panicked, he was still pretty sure Chris could overpower him. He didn’t want to know how much more the elder would hurt him if he tried again; he didn’t know what the fuck to do.

He hissed, squeezing his eyes tightly closed and tensing nearly every muscle in his body when Chris started pushing the first finger inside of him. It didn’t exactly hurt, but it felt so fucking gross and weird, his mind convincing him that he was going to have an accident on Chris’ hand.

The elder smoothed his free hand up Felix’s clenching abdomen muscles, waiting until Felix began to slowly adjust to the feeling before he curled his finger upwards, shifting it around. Felix grew progressively more confused as he felt a pressure begin to build in his pelvis.

He couldn’t help but squirm, trying to shift away from Chris and make the strange sensation go away. He had no idea what the fuck Chris was doing down there, but he was getting very overwhelmed again. He had been ready for pain, but this was unexpected and he really, really didn’t like it.

“Chris- Chris, stop, that feels weird,” He hated how high-pitched and whiney his voice sounded, hated that it was so easy for Chris to keep him pinned in place with only one free hand. 

It was all made infinitely worse by the sound of Chris laughing at him. Felix miserably shifted, looking down the length of his body at the elder, but that was a big mistake.

He was suddenly struck by just how dirty the image of the two of them together looked; Felix’s flushed, naked body splayed across the sheets starkly contrasted against Chris who was still sitting comfortably in his jeans and t-shirt, the ever present bulge in his pants the only suggestion that he was at all effected by what was happening. As if that wasn’t humiliating enough, he’d been too distracted to realize that he was starting to get hard. Not much, thank god, but just the thought of his body reacting in any positive way to whatever Chris was doing when, mentally, he was so upset was devastating. 

No wonder the older man was laughing, he looked like a fucking whore. He dropped his head back to the mattress, hands covering his burning face as he tried to will the tears away. Chris was absolutely thinking that he was right, that Felix’s protests were just an act, that he actually had wanted this all along. He was getting confused himself, why was he getting hard? He didn’t even think he liked how this felt. Fuck, this was such a fucking mess. This was supposed to be such a good night.

He was pulled from his mental breakdown by the feeling of his muscles being stretched by a second finger. It still didn’t really hurt, but it definitely strained his rim more than just one had. Chris repeated the process of curling and shifting his fingers around and all of a sudden, Felix was jolting; a humiliating gasp tore from his lips involuntarily as his eyes snapped wide open. A heat was flaring in his abdomen like he was about to come; it was simultaneously the weirdest, most embarrassing, and best thing he’d ever felt. He was mortified knowing that his cock was twitching, filling up as his hips squirmed. He honestly didn’t know if he was trying to move away anymore or if he was trying to feel more of that sensation. 

Chris let out a deep, prolonged groan from above him before he resumed his chuckling, “Someone’s enjoying themselves.”

Felix whined high in his throat, rocking his head from side to side as his body trembled. What the fuck was happening to him? He couldn’t even try to tell Chris to stop, the evidence wasn’t on his side anymore and his brain had completely shut down.

Chris had started to move his fingers in and out of him, progressively spreading them apart. Every few thrusts he would angle his fingers upwards again and Felix was slowly losing his mind from the mix of sensations. One second, he’d be wincing at the way Chris’ thick fingers pressed insistently against the edges of his entrance and the next he’d be shuddering and gasping as pleasure curled tightly in his stomach. He hated it. 

By the time Chris added a third finger, Felix was leaking against his trembling abs despite the pain as his muscles tried to keep Chris out. He was so fucking confused and embarrassed, but he couldn’t stop his reactions. Before, he’d just felt powerless against Chris, but the situation was totally different now; he felt more betrayed by his body than anything.

He didn’t want this, doesn’t want this. He just wants to go home and get cuddles and backrubs from his roommates while he cries on their shoulders and books a flight back to Sydney so he can hug his mom, tell her he was wrong to have left in the first place.

He doesn’t think any of that means anything when he’s getting off on Chris shoving three fingers up his ass. God, how is he ever supposed to look at his mom, again?

He’s fucking disgusting; that’s the only explanation for why he whines when Chris pulls away, leaving him empty. It’s uncomfortable, and it’s so fucked up that he isn’t thrilled about there not being anything in his ass, but he’s not. He fucking hates himself.

“So needy,” Chris hummed, Felix could hear the smile in his voice. He wanted to die.

The sound of Chris’ zipper is almost lost under the swell of the music, but Felix caught it. He also felt the cheap university-issued bed wobble as the upperclassman maneuvered himself out of his jeans and underwear, heard him hiss as, Felix imagines, he touched his cock for the first time that night. He refused to look; his hands had slackened but were still firmly positioned over his face. He didn’t want to see Chris, didn’t want to acknowledge or think about what he knew was going to happen now.

If there was anyone he hated more than himself right now, it was Chris, but what was the point, anymore? Chris was going to do whatever he wanted, anyway; he’d made that perfectly clear all night. And what could Felix say? That he didn’t want to get fucked? His dick hadn’t been touched once, but it’s as hard as it’s ever been; Chris didn’t believe him before and he sure as hell wouldn’t believe him now. Felix didn’t know if even he really believed it at this point.

So, he said nothing, did nothing, as Chris wasted no time and lifted his legs, hooking Felix’s knees around his waist as he inched closer in the space between his spread thighs. His breathing stuttered, embarrassment flaring in his chest at the position, but he stayed perfectly still. There was nothing else to do.

He didn’t really respond until he felt Chris pulling his hands from his face, bright light flashing between the cracks of his fingers as they shifted at the older man’s insistence. He didn’t want to look at his mean, smug face while he was fucked in the ass. Everything about tonight had been too much, miles outside of his comfort zone, but he needed this one thing.

Felix squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, his muscles straining as he fought against Chris’ grip, but of course he lost. Chris dragged his hands down near his shoulders, pressing his upper body weight onto his thin wrists, pinning them against the mattress.

“Felix. Look at me,” He shook his head, feeling the tears beginning to well up in his eyes, again. He’d think he’d be incapable of crying at this point, after how many tears he’d already shed, but the human body is an amazing thing.

He winced when he heard Chris let out a frustrated breath, bracing himself to get hit. The weight of Chris’ body coming down onto his was less expected, the elder letting go of his wrists to lean on his elbows, hands coming up to cup Felix’s snot and tear-smeared cheeks. It was almost gentle, nice, if Felix could ignore the hiss that left his lips at the feeling of Chris’ hips pressing against his cock which was still stubbornly hard, the feeling of the older man’s own erection pressing against his hip bone, the ache in his hip flexors as they were stretched in a way that even years of dance hadn’t prepared him for.

It was almost nice.

“If you don’t look at me, I won’t give you what you need,” Chris still thought that ‘what he needed’ was the elder’s dick in his ass.

“Good,” Felix didn’t think before the reply was already being whispered into the air between them. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Chris lifted himself just enough to backhand him, his head whipping painfully to the side. He wished the older man had just snapped his neck and been done with it.

He was pretty sure one of the Chris’ rings had scraped his cheek, but it was hard to tell when the entire side of his face was already beginning to throb. He didn’t even realize that his eyes had blinked open, didn’t have it in him to react when Chris’ hand gripped his jaw and turned his head so that the elder’s face was in his line of sight. He just blinked slowly at the fake sympathetic smile on the other’s face.

“Good boy,” The words were soft, again, almost kind, “I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you just listened to me the first time.”

He hardly registered the gentle press of Chris’ lips to his forehead. He was relieved, somewhere in his foggy mind, when the pressure against his body was lifted away, when Chris gave him more space. He absentmindedly thought that the other was incapable of being honest as he lined his cock up with Felix’s loosened hole and began steadily pushing in.

Chris had been hurting him all night, no matter what the younger did or said, but, maybe if he’d just bent himself over as soon as Chris got him alone, he’d be back in his dorm with his friends by now. This could all be over, and Felix could be curled up in his own bed rather than splayed out on Chris’, his whole body aching as the older man presses inside him.

He likes the song that’s playing now. It’s really chill, relaxing. Whichever one of Chris’ friends that’s taking the lead at the moment has a really soothing, soft voice. He wonders if he’s heard it before, thinking absently that, as long as they’d been in the room, Chris was either much more serious about his hobby than he’d let on or the playlist was repeating itself.

Felix blinked, unfocused, at a spot somewhere to the side of Chris’ head as the upperclassman’s hips rested against his ass. He must be all the way inside now.

He’s vaguely aware of an uncomfortable pressure in his lower abdomen, like Chris’ cock is pressing against something that it isn’t supposed to. It’s a silly thought; Chris isn’t supposed to be touching anything inside of Felix.

It doesn’t hurt, not like his cheek or his hips do. He’d been too… weak, tired, lazy, etc. to reposition his legs after Chris had moved his weight off them so they were still spread too wide, the muscles trembling lightly to try to keep gravity from making them slip even further into the stretch. It’s almost pleasant, reminds him of his post-practice stretching routines when it’s always harder for his exhausted muscles to hold his body up, keep him from pushing himself too far.

His cheek was a different kind of pain, but maybe that was a bit comforting, too. He could feel his heartbeat pulsing under the stinging skin, an insistent reminder that he was still here, alive.

Chris had started moving at some point, but Felix wasn’t really paying that much attention. It wasn’t painful, per se, just uncomfortable. There was so much pressure down there, each time Chris slid inside. It felt like he was hitting some type of wall whenever he bottomed out which should probably hurt, but Felix was too distracted. It didn’t feel good, like his fingers kind of did. He didn’t feel like checking to see if he was still hard and he felt too disconnected to really know.

Chris was talking to him, Felix was pretty sure, at least. He didn’t really want to focus on his voice, though, and it was hard anyway. His body was rocking along to the beat of the music and his mind naturally fixated on that. This song was rougher, more aggressive, but whoever was rapping had a really low, husky voice that Felix thought sounded good. It was kind of nice, oddly satisfying, how the movements of his body matched the tempo.

Chris started shifting around after a bit, and it was annoying. He was shaking the bed, messing up the rhythm Felix had begun to relax into. He just wanted the older man to stop fucking around and cum already; he was so tired.

But then Chris was rubbing against whatever he’d been messing with earlier and Felix felt his muscles tensing, clenching around Chris’ cock. It felt really good and the older man fell back into his rhythm as soon as he got a response from Felix, sliding against that spot with each movement of his cock.

He felt floaty, losing nearly all awareness of anything besides the pleasure warming his stomach. His eyes had squeezed shut at the feeling as his muscles shuddered and tensed. It was a bit confusing and very overwhelming. His ass was aching; his clenching hole making Chris’ rough, rhythmic thrusts hurt a lot more than before. But whatever he was doing beyond that ring of muscles kept sparks tingling in his belly and gasps and whines filling the air between them.

When Felix came, it was very sudden; there wasn’t exactly a buildup and it was way more intense than he was used to. His back arched off the bed, hands grabbing at Chris’ arms; he might have blacked out for a second.

Awareness came back to him gradually. First, it was the way his body rocked across the mattress. Then, it was the ache in his lower half, both his thighs and his ass, followed by the subtle feeling of his cum gliding across his chest from the force of Chris’ thrusts. 

The oversensitivity hit last.

Chris was still fucking him fast and rough; hips still angled the way that made him come untouched a few moments ago. Felix squirmed, whining as the sensations became too much. It was both a natural reaction to the excessive stimulation in his post-orgasm-sensitive body and an attempt to get away from Chris’ insistent dick, knowing the feeling would stop if he could.

Chris’ hands remained firmly planted on his waist, holding him in place and rendering his desperate movements useless. He blinked up at Chris and really saw him for the first time in a while, their eyes meeting. 

He looked feral, or maybe possessed was a better word. The look in his eyes was almost crazed, like he was about to shred Felix apart. His toned torso was flushed a bright pink from exertion and shone with sweat, defined abs flexing and catching the light each time he buried himself in the younger’s body. He looked so powerful and dangerous. It was frightening and only made Felix’s attempts to get away more insistent.

Chris seemed to finally understand, or maybe it was a coincidence or just him trying to keep Felix still when he dropped onto his elbows. His body weight was once again pressing the younger boy into the mattress; the angle of his hips shifted enough that the sensations in his ass calmed down, but Felix nearly shrieked at the new feeling of his touch-starved dick being trapped between his and Chris’ clenching abdomens, his squirming only intensifying the friction. 

The sound of Chris’ grunting and panting in his ear and the way their torsos slid against each other, slicked by both sweat and his cum, made Felix feel absolutely filthy. His own whines and heavy breathing worsened the disgust swirling alongside the intense discomfort in his gut.

“Fuck, almost there, baby,” Chris groaned against his neck, sending a shudder down his body. It was too much, Chris’s body was too close, too heavy; Felix felt like he was suffocating.

Chris’ thrusting became even more brutal, his hips smacking against Felix’s rapidly as he completely abandoned the pace set by the background music. Overwhelmed wasn’t a sufficient enough word to describe what he was experiencing; he felt like he was losing his mind. He couldn’t even process everything anymore.

He didn’t even realize that Chris was coming until he stilled, buried deep inside him, his hips shuddering against his ass. Felix was able to find some peace in that moment, letting his shaky muscles finally start to relax as his breathing gradually slowed.

Chris was still on top of him, buried in him, panting in his ear, but they were finally still, and it was such a relief. It was finally over.

It hurt when Chris finally raised himself up on quivering arms and pulled out of him, and the feeling of his cum sliding out after him made Felix’s stomach roll. He somehow felt smaller and more vulnerable now than when Chris’ body was eclipsing his. He was exposed, aching and so, so tired.

“You did so well, little one,” He didn’t protest when Chris began wiping away some of the mess with a Kleenex even though the attention made his anxiety spike all over again. His touch was gentle, and he gave extra care when addressing his slowly softening dick and swollen asshole which was a small mercy. It didn’t really help him feel any less disgusting. He desperately needed a shower, maybe multiple, but at least his skin wasn’t as slimy and sticky as before.

He tensed weakly when Chris pulled him up and repositioned him, turning him around and resting his head on the upperclassman’s pillow. The older man got off the bed then, shutting off the music and the lights. Felix’s brain was screaming at him to get up and get away, but he was just too exhausted and Chris’ dirty bed felt too nice. He wasn’t even sure if he could stand if he tried, let alone make it past the other. So, he laid there, his eyes slipping closed.

He was unhappy when Chris climbed back onto the bed, maneuvering over his body so he was behind him. It was expected, but Felix still shivered at the feeling of a strong arm hooking around his chest and pulling his back flush to Chris’ front.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far. Please let me know if there are any other warnings or tags I should include.
> 
> Comments always appreciated
> 
> Twitter: [BenGene97](https://twitter.com/BenGene97)  
> CC: [BenGene](https://curiouscat.me/BenGene)


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